Feelings..

Well, sorry people.. Long time never update le.. Today came and update you all on some recent happenings in my life..

Before I start off with anything.. I would like to thank a wonderful sister and dedicate this post to her.. This sister is none other than MEI YI..

I tell you hor, this sister is really a wonderful sister lehzz(not that other brother and sister not good).. Not only is she very encouraging, but she is willing to spend time late into the night to talk with me, a stubborn mule.. So touched.. Also, she showed me something which kinda cheer me up a little.. Too bad she wanted the thing back.. LOL.. I definitely enjoy her company and would like to spend more time with her, so patience with me and best of all, not overbearing at all; unlike some guy I know.. She and some few other people actually listens before commenting.. At least that is how I feel la.. So really thank God for placing this special sister into my life.. I believe as time goes by will see more good things about her de..

Okay.. Now to go on with today's topic.. Feelings.. Well, recently, I am being overwhelmed with a overwhelming amount of feelings.. Some Good, Some Not so Good..

The good ones would be from realizing how steady are my friends, helping me out when I'm in need and from having the chance to talk to Mei Yi, realizing, well, at least she cares..

The bad feelings I've gotten recently would be a flash-back of past experience which really shake me up a lot.. And from that, I also see how annoying a certain someone can be.. Already don't like him le, now even more don't like.. Don't know why, but just don't like the position the two of us is in right now.. Just don't seem right.. Everything he does and is entitled to do just don't seem right it my eyes.. As thought I think that he is not deserving like that.. May be true, may not be true, but one thing is for sure, I don't like what I'm going through now..

I feel as thought I'm going to go mad liao.. Every single waking moment now, I'm thinking of something, feeling something.. It just can't seem to stop.. The longer this goes on, the more discontentment I get.. The weird thing is that I feel that I'm being fueled with this discontentment of mine.. By no means is it some kind of Holy Discontentment, in fact, it feels like some kinda evil evil discontentment.. I just can't stand what I'm seeing now, and I feel that everything is just so wrong and it shouldn't be this way.. I'm unhappy about everything and everyone.. I don't trust anything, or anyone..

Now what I want is to find something, or someone, a human, that I can trust.. I'm sick and tired of people telling me to do this and do that.. You people make it sound like everything is my fault.. Well I tell you the truth.. It isn't.. I can't be wrong all the time, sometimes maybe, but not all the time..

Ultimately, I feel that everyone doesn't want me around and is out to get me.. I feel that everyone doesn't want me to do well despite them saying otherwise..

However, some part of me is telling me that it isn't true.. I sometimes see how steady my friends can be.. How willing a person is to spend time to talk to me late into the night.. I don't know what they are thinking when they are doing what they are doing.. However, despite my distrust to the people around me, very very deep down inside of me, there is still this little spark that wants myself to open up to and trust people again..

But heres the question.. WHO CAN I REALLY TRUST? Not even God seems to be worthy of my trust in him like many say he is now.. But because of the thing that Mei Yi showed me and set me to ponder about my situation, I think I would give it a try and just Wait.. Wait and see what would happen.. Just hang in there and wait for the good times that God has intended for me to come.. If not for Mei Yi and some of the other people that talked to me on Friday night, who knows.. I might have given up hope of what is installed for me in the future by God le.. Now if not for the sake of God or myself, I will do it for the sake of those that truly cares for me and wants to see me grow, whoever they might be.. I will take action very soon.. For now, I'd have to sharpen my focus first.. If not, I'd be like going to war with a blunt sword.. And one day I tell you, I will have my personal victory!!! I will hold myself to it.. I will convict myself to it.. And I will do it.. You all just wait and see.. You will be blinded by my Awesome-ness one day(extracted from Kung-Fu Panda)

Once again, Thank You Mei Yi for what you did for me thus far.. Really appreciate it..